July 7, 2011 § 6 Comments
Whilst you were mourning the loss of your regular Thursdays with Wanda posts, I was not insensitive to your grief and suffering. I felt the guilt of not posting…stabbing…irking me while I snoozed in the June/July sun…prompting me to make my very first cooking VIDEO! Of course, like all first things, this is exceedingly embarrassing. In the video, my face is still puffed up from the wisdom teeth nightmare, I’ve apparently forgotten to brush my hair, and I accidentally kick an errant begging-for-scraps dog.
I am cooking with the lovely co-host Nicole, who in the video can’t tell the difference between a square and a rectangle, but I assure you that her looks more than make up for her shape-naming deficiency. The video also includes two disembodied voices, one from a smelly snuffling pug, and the other from a sexy sexy person named Chris who is simultaneously operating the camera and snickering at how silly we are.
Here’s a recipe too, because I think we forgot to actually tell you how to make things in the video, and by the time we figured that out, we were too tired and just wanted to scarf the manti while watching a Miyazaki film.
Also, this dish is made from seitan, a vegan meat substitute. For those of you who have never heard of seitan, here’s a coloring book picture for you to get to know the seitan monster. It’s quite humane to eat a seitan, because they reproduce like starfish, and if you cut a part of it off, it just regrows. That’s not a belly button on it, that’s its love center where they enjoy being tickled. Also, they love to play fetch and drool on things, so they make fantastic indoor pets!
This dish traditionally is made with a ground beef dumpling topped with a yogurt-tomato sauce, but we’ve replaced it with SEITAN, the meatiest of the vegan meat. I’m more used to the Afghan version and Nicole spent a ton of time in Turkey with the Turkish version, so this is probably a bastardized fusion of the two kinds.
Ground Seitan Mixture
– 1/2 cup vital wheat gluten
– 1/4 cup water
– 2 tablespoons coffee
– 1 tablespoon soy sauce
– 1 tsp garlic powder
– 1 tsp paprika
– 1/2 cup cooked brown rice
– 1/4 onion
– salt + pepper
1. Combine the vital wheat gluten, water, coffee, soy sauce, garlic powder, and paprika together and knead slightly. Throw in a pot of boiling water and cook for about 30 minutes. Fish it out and let cool until the temperature is manageable.
2. Then in a food processor, pulse blend the seitan with cooked brown rice and the onion. Add salt and pepper to taste, but you don’t want the “meat” mixture to be too salty, as the sauces will add a lot of flavor as well.
– 1 1/2 cups flour
– 3/4 cup water
– 1/4 tsp salt
Mix the flour, water, and salt together and then knead for 4-5 minutes until you have a not sticky but still somewhat moist to the touch dough. You make need to add more flour to keep it from sticking.
– 1 can stewed tomatoes
– 1/4 cup olive oil
– 1/2 of a chopped onion
– 1 tablespoon paprika
– 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
– 1 tsp dried parsley
– salt to taste
1. In a medium sized pot over medium heat, stir the onions with the olive oil until softened and starting to brown, then add the rest of the ingredients.
2. Turn the heat to low and simmer for about 30 minutes, or until the tomatoes have broken down a bit and the flavors meld.
1. To assemble, roll out the dough and cut them into 1 1/2 inch squares. Put a dabble of the meat mixture (about a teaspoon) in the center, and then pinch the corners together to make a dumpling. Repeat a million times.
2. When you have all the dumplings made, throw them in a pot of boiling water and then fish them out when they start to float, about 2 minutes.
3. Top with the tomato sauce, then some unsweetened soy yogurt, and chopped mint!