Soft Food!!

June 16, 2011 § 4 Comments

I couldn’t believe my ears. My worst nightmare had just come true, and the worst person possible had just announced the news. My dentist spoke the words, “You need your wisdom teeth taken out. Here is your referral to your oral surgeon (executioner).” So, like any normal person would do, I ignored his remarks for three months.

Three months later, as I was determinedly chomping my way through a Sour Patch watermelons box (can I get paid for advertising for them?), a sharp pain shot through the back of my jaw. I tried again with stuff that wasn’t candy, and the same reaction occurred! My wisdom teeth were not behaving, and so I whined and moaned and dragged my feet and all my friends took absolutely no pity on me and told me to call the executioner.

And what do you know, it wasn’t all that terrible! My teeth were so impacted (due to me waiting forever) that my executioner refused to submit me to such suffering without putting me completely to sleep. The last thing I remember was looking at the IV drip hysterically screaming, “This thing isn’t doing anything, you guys are going to pluck out my teeth while I’m aliiiiiiveeee!!!!” and then the next thing I remember after that was kind of woozily waking up on my couch at home.

Events that occurred whilst I was semi-conscious: My boyfriend tells me that I made a complete fool of myself while at the dentist’s office. Apparently I couldn’t talk because of all the gauze in my mouth, so I started signing to the nurses. (I repeatedly signed that the dentist was mean, thank you, and I love you.) I also wanted to roll my own wheelchair around. And, in true vegan form, when they told me that I could eat eggs because they were soft, I vehemently screamed, “I HATE EGGS!”

Before I went to the dentist’s office, I had fully prepared myself for the ordeal. I prepared an illustrated list so I could point to things I wanted without having to speak. I include it below as a printable (click for full size!) so you can utilize it in case any of you also must suffer like I did.

I can request/say with this sheet (from right to left): cake, I love you!, book, turn lights on, ice cream, soup, mashed potatoes, ice, pain meds, smoothie, coffee, banana, TV, porn, water, lamb, applesauce, play a game with me, pillow + blanket, dog, laptop, heat, sad, happy, angry, crying, please kill me now.

I also made a lot of rice porridge because you’re supposed to eat soft foods for a week. I stopped eating that because, and (this part is only for my Cantonese readers, you should see the look on your gwai lo boyfriend’s face when you try to eat fu yi (fermented bean curd) with jook.) Also it’s kind of bland.

Then I progressed to eating a lot of ice cream, or variants of ice cream, like peanut butter chocolate milkshakes and peaches with ice cream and yogurt and banana with ice cream. (Turns out a girl CAN actually get tired of ice cream.)

This recipe fulfills two of my most major requirements of the week. 1) You don’t need the ability to chew and 2) It’s so easy that you can make this even while you’re on a very very very strong synthetic opioid.

Braised Leeks with Roasted Bell Peppers and Chipotle Aioli
serves 2 | cook time: 40 minutes

– 2 leeks, CLEAN THEM, and halved
– 4 garlic cloves, minced
– 3 tablespoons olive oil
– 1 red bell pepper
– 1 orange bell pepper
– 1 yellow bell pepper
– salt

– 1 very very tiny chipotle pepper
–  1/2 block of soft tofu
–  2 garlic cloves
– 1 tablespoon lemon juice
– 1 tablespoon olive oil
– salt

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut bell peppers in half lengthwise, then brush with a little olive oil and stick it in the oven for 30 minutes, or until their flesh is as squidgy as a fat man’s gut and the skins are blistered and a bit charred.
2. Meanwhile, pour 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a small pan over medium heat, then dump the leeks and garlic in. Splash enough water on it to cover, then cook until the leeks are softened through, about 25 minutes. You don’t need to stir, but peer at it from time to time and splash more water on it if it looks like it’s getting dry. When it’s soft, bang at it with your spoon to break it up into smaller pieces.(I did that, but only because I couldn’t chew…you can leave it if it looks prettier without the smushing.)
3. When the bell peppers are done, peel off the skins (they should slide right off) and then slice the flesh into small strips. Adorn with salt to taste.
4. To make the aioli, blend the pepper, tofu, garlic, lemon juice, and olive oil together.
5. To serve, top the sliced bell peppers and the leeks with the aioli, and dig into it with a little sigh of relief that it is not ice cream.


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