Triple Chocolate Cheesecake

July 8, 2010 § 1 Comment

Do you find yourself lacking in friends? On Friday nights, do you stay indoors playing Dungeons & Dragons with your three favorite stuffed animals? Or do you just sit and cry because you’re so lonely? Does your awkward bumbly self prevent you from making the FRIENDS OF YOUR DREAMS?

Well, my loyal readers, I have the ultimate solution for you. Yeah, who wouldn’t be your friend after this?:

Now for the low low price of $49.99! If you call now, we'll SLASH THE PRICES! And double the goods!

How To Make Friends
serves lots | prep time: your entire life

1. Make this cheesecake.
2. Show up. Apparently that’s half the battle!

Triple Chocolate Cheesecake (adapted from Epicurious)

serves 8-10 | prep time: 40 minutes | cook time: 1 hr | wait time: 8 hours


–  1 2/3 cups Oreo cookie crumbs
– 1/3 cup melted butter (5 1/3 tbl)

–  7.5 ounces dark chocolate
– 3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese (stick form) ROOM TEMPERATURE
– 1 cup + 1 tbl sugar
– 3 tablespoons cocoa powder

– 2 2/3 tbl butter (the other part of the stick of butter you used for the crust)
– 4 ounces dark chocolate
– 2-3 tablespoons milk

1. If your Oreos are not already smashed up, now is the time to dissect them. Scrape out all the white filling and try not to eat it. Using a blender or a big stick, mash up the cookies until they are like fine sand. Add in the melted butter, and stir. It should not have the texture of wet sand, and it tastes AWESOME because you just mixed butter into Oreos. Press this into the bottom of an 8 inch springform pan, and set aside in the fridge while you make the filling. Turn your oven on to 350F.
2.  In a small bowl, melt the chocolate by nuking it at 30 second intervals, stirring every time you open the microwave. Set aside.
3.  In a large bowl, use your intensely buff arms or a handheld mixer set on medium to thoroughly mash the cream cheese, sugar, and cocoa powder together. It should look smooth. Lower the speed to low and add eggs all at once, and mix only until incorporated. Don’t want nasty air bubbles in your cheesecake! Add the lukewarm melted chocolate and stir gently until homogeneous.
4. TRICKY PART. Cheesecakes are gentle, nice creatures, and don’t like to be beat up and then stuck into a raging hot oven. They need water baths so they can be comfortable and smoooooootttthhhh. And water baths are very easy; just take an oven proof pan larger than your springform pan, and fill it with boiling water. Wrap foil around the bottom of your springform pan to prevent against soggy crust, and then place it in the other oven proof pan. Tada!

A cheesecake in a jacuzzi, if you can't tell.

5. Place this entire water bath contraption into the preheated 350F oven, and set the timer for 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until the top no longer jiggles like a fat woman’s thighs. Your cheesecake should be toned, unlike your ass after you eat this. When you remove it from the oven, leave to cool in the water bath for about 15 minutes, then leave on a cooling rack for an hour, and then move it to the fridge for a couple of hours. (Preferably more than 6).
6. Make the topping by melting the dark chocolate and butter together. Stir the milk in until smooth. Pour over the cooled cheesecake.

P.S.I am well aware of how half-assed this week’s drawings are, but it’s 6:30 PM on a Thursday, and even when kids mess up during a play, it’s still cute…right?


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§ One Response to Triple Chocolate Cheesecake

  • Anna says:

    Mmmm. Cheesecake. I must try this when I get back to school and don’t have to worry about being the only person to eat this (desserts last foreverrrr at my house), thus adding to my already far too luscious thighs.

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